Chow Minge

Reading Time: 4 minutes

My Dear Chap, To Whom It May Concern etc

I’m crazy and so is my wife, welcome to Barbados have a nice day. Damn and blast it! Beauty is in the eye of the bum-holder. I can’t keep from crying sometimes, that fucking bitch still haunts me waking and dreaming but it’s only sometimes not all the time. Serves me right i suppose, I should have known better than to fall in love with a drunken whore but she seemed so nice, love is blind and I could not see it until it was too late. When all of a sudden a great mealy pudding came flying through the sky.

My mate Scottish Keith who lives upstairs said one day – “She was a nice lass but a bit flaky like.”… Read more

Live Frogs

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Dear Mrs R,

Got the most amazing pure amphetamine, rock, one of my mates calls it ‘hurry – up’, am having a speed/vodka interface binge, am a total mess, am gonna become more of a mess but I’m fucked-up so can it make any difference? Need to cool it or I’m gonna snap and lose it and hurt somebody like some of my mates do, but it’s ok, I’ll get a grip. Up there for thinking, down there for dancing. I’m hot – wired and the fucking wheel is spinning but fuck it, you know I don’t care but I do care don’t I, I don’t know anymore. They go on about ‘It’s not over til the fat lady sings’, it’s from some stupid opera (opera winfield?)… Read more