Tag: death

Pigs and Wands

Reading Time: 9 minutes

fUCKING hELL mATE,

What a crazy time, we’ve had to get rid of the fridges and start shooting people’s limbs off, ‘cos we don’t want to kill ’em. They won’t remember then, if they’re dead, so shoot ’em in the limbs and then they’ll remember what they got shot for. Had a Coblers Monday today, it’s what the fishermen used to do when they’d got that pissed on a Sunday that they couldn’t work the next day, so the only thing to do is get pissed again. We had to nail this bloke’s hand to the floor and put food 6″ beyond his reach, we didn’t have to do the food thing but introduced it into the game just to jolly it up a bit, just for daftness.… Read more

Upside Down

Reading Time: 9 minutes

Mr Rude-froth,

Blind dead, sad and stupid after the death of cupid, harrow. Follow the furrow, chasing the fucking ploughlads out of the field. Wielding a gun, son, threatening to shoot everyone. No nose, no eyes, no mouth, no more. MORE! Had a crisis last weekend, in case you couldn’t tell.

In brief, I collapsed in the pub in the early hours of Saturday morning. Woke up at 7a.m. and didn’t know who I was or what I was or where I was and I’d pissed the bed. Felt drugged, felt like I’d been spiked, Steve and the Geez had to help me upstairs and put me in one of the guest rooms. Turns out someone was buying me drinks and making me drink quick (I drink at my own pace, learned to, remember the days of me swilling ’em down and doing the collapse calypso) in a stupid ‘I can drink more than you game’.… Read more